19.6.16

#602 I know I'm stronger and I'm capable, I know it's all in my head...


Nothing prepares you for losing a loved one. The emotional enormity of the experience  give survivors little frame of reference to draw from, even so much as watching someone die. How does one cope?
"The time of life we call dying is an extremely difficult part of the life cycle, but a normal part," so says palliative-care doctors "The nature of it isn't medical, it's experiential." What about the emotion side of it all doc?
When my mother was passing it is hard to put into words but I knew even a few days before. Her body was curling up, her skin was pasty, and it was only a matter of hours from the time that I saw her to when she past. She didn't look like my mother anymore. They say the death experience unfolds differently in each situation. But those who have witnessed "the passing" have huge thoughts and the emotions. I believe I covered them all from disbelief, doubt, anger, saddness and honestly just wanted to be left alone.
A few days before her passing, My mom had a dry mouth, her mouth was open and scary raspy breath that worsened over a few days. But she didn't die until the day the doctor called me and said we can’t tell if she is in pain so we will need permission to give her morphine, that was the night before. I felt responsible, wondering if this had rushed things." I will never know... The call came at 5.45 am the next day and Mum had left this world peacefully in her sleep.
I woke up feeling a little lighter but had a weird gut feeling that my concern and worries were now free. The enormity of the loss just overwhelmed me, I had no idea how I was going to feel and thought I was strong and prepared months before when she was deteriorating. Weeks later, whilst the hurt is dissipating, the confusion of now being alone terrifies me. 
I love my family and you think you are strong, only to realise the little girl is crying inside wanting to be with her mother once again. How does one cope. My mother died at the age of 86 years old, she was my friend, my heart and soul. My mother had a good life, and she fulfilled her full life journey. So why do I feel like I missed out on so much...They say you will be ok, they say you are strong and you will cope in time, my heart feels like a chunk is missing from it and I know I will never be the same again. Why is it you wish you could turn back time so many times.

Showcasing the gorgeous new works of some designers available right now.
So what are you waiting for, come take a walk to our destinations for today: - 

Destinations: - Indyra, Summerfest 16, Shiny Shabby

Sundress: - Indyra Nazca Sundress - Maitreya (New) @ Indyra
Hair: - DeLa Mesh Hair - Elora in Blonde - (New) @ Summerfest 16
Earrings: - ChicChica - Gala Earrings (New) @ Shiny Shabby
Sunglasses: - Zaara (Goa Party) - Retro Sunglasses in Silver and Blue
Skin: - Glam Affair - Marta America - Clean
Head: - LeLutka Mesh Head-STELLA 1.6

Pic: Taken at Luane's World





2 comments:

  1. Been there. Understand. It's the hardest thing adjusting to loosing someone you love. I wish I could say something brilliant to make you feel better. It's a process that is different for everyone. I will say the experience gives you clarity on what is really important; relationships with people. Lose makes you more tolerant of the small things. The best advice I could give you is buy a lot of Kleenex, find a time you feel comfortable with, and allow yourself to cry. Do this as much as you feel you need to. If someone tells you not to cry, just smile and nod. Obviously they have never lost someone dear to them.

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    1. Thankyou so much Eleanorjeansl. Your words give me comfort and I am so grateful. I know I have been told that time will ease the hurt and to take it day by day. Unfortunately I am going through the hurt a lot more of late as my father also has dementia, and keeps forgetting his wife has passed. You can imagine the constant reminder of hurt telling him over and over again. hopefully one day they will find a cure. Thankyou though I really do appreciate your kind words. x

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