If you don’t ask, the answer is already no… so what does it take to ask for what you want—and then get it? There seems to be a magical art behind creating a great ask, and we all know stories of people who seem to get exactly what they want whenever they ask. I used to see this as people just being lucky or having the gift of the gab like Sales people. I saw them as magicians who could bend and will the world to their ways. Why is this? What are they doing that no one else seems to be doing? How do they ask for what they want and seem to get it every time?
Culturally, it’s not always the norm to ask directly for what you want—or
we do a terrible job of it (and women face significantly more challenges in
both cultural norms and consequences for making direct asks. Instead of
specifying what we want, we hem and haw about ideas, often walking away from
great conversations without clearly articulating our message, what we hope to
achieve, and how the other person can directly help us.
Creating a great ask (and learning the ability to
say no) are two skills that successful people learn how to do really well. When
you ask well, you can get what you want more quickly—saving you time and
energy. In the past decade, some of the things I’ve asked for and negotiated
for include: asking for a decent raise at work, asking to be included on a
special site on Flickr, asking to be a blogger for a store, if not the first
time I wait and send the request again when it reopens. Of course, the art of
asking is you have to actually ask.
Here are four thoughts on the asking process: -
1. You have to actually ask… Believe me the fear of
asking for me is worse than the actual asking. The idea is that firstly you
need to know what you want. This is an all-too-obvious step that’s often
overlooked. Often it’s not always clear to you (or others) what it is, exactly,
that you’re in need of. The more clarity you can have about what you want, the
better. Take the time to learn, figure out, or discover exactly what you want.
2. Ground yourself in why you’re doing what you’re doing. I check in with
myself, asking with my heart and mind and body, making sure this is what I want
and that it resonates with who I am and what I stand for – my values. For e.g.:
- Is this something that I want to
do, and want to do deeply? Is this something I stand for and believe in?
3. Be direct, clear, and specific about what you want. Make it
ridiculously clear what you’re asking for. Be direct about what you
want, who it’s from, and when you need it, and what a desired
outcome looks like. For e.g.: Define the problem, what is it exactly you want, Be
direct and confident.
4. Be selective and targeted about who you ask. The more specific you can
be about WHO you ask the better. Book the time, prepare yourself and be ready
for how you are going to prove to them this is what you want. The idea is to start with small wins. Ask incrementally for
specific, small things. Get a foot in the door. Don’t ask for the big thing
until you’ve established rapport, responsibility and demonstrated
follow-through with someone.
Showcasing
for you today, I bring to you the awesome collection of works from the
following artists and destinations for you today: - So what are you waiting for
come take a walk to:
Destinations: - Sir Monthly, Fameshed and The Gacha Garden
Chain Frame: – Fancy Décor Chain Frame (New) @ Sir Monthly
Map Frame: - Fancy Décor – Map Frame (New) @ Sir Monthly
Alice – Letiroiu: – Knick Knacks – Alice – Letiroiu (New)
Mid Drift Dress: - Eyelure – Mid Drift Dress – Maitreya – in Grey (New) in store
Day Bed: – Unkindness – Canvas Day Bed (Adult) – (New) @ Fameshed
Tainted Palm: – Kalopsia Tainted Palm in Pink (Rare) (New) @ The Gacha Garden
Pouff Bancha: – Glam Affair Pouf Bancha (New) @ The Gacha Garden
Metal Wall Décor: – Glam Affair Metal Wall Décor (New) @ The Gacha Garden
Necklace: - MG Necklace – Constanina – Low (New) @ Fameshed
Dog: - O.M.E.N – Pitt Bulldog
Curtain: - Cinphul Lace Curtain – ASBMF – Lace 1
