Almost everyone has found themselves
drowning in romantic feelings for a man or woman she can’t have — either
because the object of her affection is in a relationship with someone else or
because she herself is (or both). Sometimes we fantasize constantly about the
forbidden crush. Other times we actually act on our feelings by engaging in a relationship
with the unavailable person. Mr Unavailable’s complicit partner is you, the
Fallback Girl, the woman he habitually defaults to or ‘falls back’ on to have
his needs met while selling you short in the process. Accommodating his
idiosyncrasies and fickle whims, you’re ripe for a relationship with him
because you are unavailable yourself (although you may not know it) and are
slipping your own commitment issues in through the back door behind his.
Of course, you can wallow in “why
me” misery or wish for a happy ending in which that unavailable person becomes
suddenly available to you. So what do you do?
1. Accept that your feelings are
normal.
You find yourself drawn to someone
who isn't your spouse or significant other. Even people who have been in
partnerships with the same person for years can easily feel attracted to
someone else. “Attraction doesn’t end once we’re in a relationship., but if
they are married then it really is time to look away.
2. Know that unavailability often makes
people more attractive.
Seriously, love does not make any
sense. Why would someone seem more appealing if he or she is obviously taken?
At least for women, self-esteem issues may be at the root of the problem. Women
who lust after unavailable partners may be unconsciously hoping that the person
will finally commit and make them feel worthy.
If the object of your affection (or
the person you’ve already gotten involved with) is actually attached. Then
think about how you can curb these competitive urges in a healthy way, without
ruining either your friendship or your friend’s relationship or the guy/gal
that your fantasizing about.. Wait till he wants you not the other way around.
In other words don't chase!!
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